Melodrama
 Club Advisor Information and Directions
Cast & Characters
Act I, Scene I
Club Advisor Information and Directions
The Wildly Wireless Melodrama
A Packet Play in As Many Acts as You Care to Write
Only Act I is completed for you....
Just what kind of play is this?
It's different, it's silly, and it's lots of fun
The Wildly Wireless Melodrama is meant to be overacted, and the stage directions are read aloud. For example, in Teacher Terrific’s opening line, the club member playing the part should say, "And now class, all eyes this way," and then address the audience in a narrator voice to say "Mrs. Terrific says with emphasis."
Any words or phrases in brackets are meant to result in gestures or sounds—such as he sighs [sigh]. Stage directions in brackets are not meant to be spoken.
It may seem confusing at first, but having the characters say the stage directions makes the play more fun and allows the characters to interact with the audience.
The only words not spoken are those in brackets.
Suggestions for performing the melodrama
The Wildly Wireless Melodrama can be read aloud at a club meeting or acted out for an audience. Here are some other potential activities:
- Ask club members to read the play aloud and then follow the reading with a discussion of possible endings.
- Instruct club members to copy this play to their computers so that they can experiment with writing new scenes or a different ending. Instruct them to be as zany and creative as they can be, while sticking to the wireless topic.
- Ask club members to read the play and then write a review that gives away the plot. Club members can also use digital video cameras to develop reviews of the play and play them for the other club members.
Time requirements
Performing Act I will take about 18-20 minutes.
Characters
We hope there are enough parts for everyone in the club, but if there aren't, you can easily add additional parts. If there are too many parts, some club members can play more than one role.
If you are performing this play for others, you might want to make large signs that actors can wear with the character names printed on them.
If characters such as the narrator and teacher are played by a different gender than the script suggests, club members can change the pronouns. Feel free to change the characters to accommodate the number of girls and boys in the club.
Props
If you are just reading the play with your club members, you won't need props, but if you decide to present it, you'll need some laptop computers or props that look like them, something that resembles a wireless hub, a yardstick, and a spray bottle filled with water.
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Cast & Characters
There are parts for 23+ club members in Act I.
Characters in Act One:
- Stage Curtain
Very red and possibly velvet, also very tired
- Naughty Narrator
In cahoots with the Nasties; wants to be rid of the packets
- Teacher Terrific
A packet who is the teacher of the student packets
- Sweet Sally
Sweet and kind packet
- Savvy Sam
Know-it-all packet
- Ned Network
Frustrated human network administrator who tries to keep the network working.
- Brainy Billy
Not the brightest of packets
- Moody Mercedes
Lovely, vain, and rather nasty packet; one of the Nasties
- The Twins: Worried Wanda and Wary William
Packets who say everything in trembling unison
- Agitated Ali
A packet who’s worried that his packet girlfriend, Lovely Linda, may be lost
- Genius Gene
Packet who takes over as the group leader
- Wonderful Juan
Simply wonderful packet
- Eddie Encryption
Disguises packets so that Horrendous Hacker can't read them
- Enticing Virus
Seems so nice, but isn’t
- Annie Virus
Attacks viruses with a spray bottle
- Varsity Virus
Waits offstage for her spot in the limelight
- The Triplets: Radio Wave, Micro Wave, and Cordless Karen
Cause lots of problems in wireless space
- Horrendous Hacker
Member of the Nasties who tries to look at the information that packets are carrying
- Ida Interference
An additional interference
- Peter Packet
A superhero packet in wireless space who’s ready to defeat Horrendous Hacker
- Other Packets
Other packets in the classroom.
If you decide to write additional scenes or acts, some of the characters below can be added to the melodrama, of course, other characters can be added as well.
- Linda Lovely
Agitated Ali's love, a packet lost in Wireless Space
- Officer Oliver
Security Officer who won't let packets through without a security key
- Security Key
What packets need to get through to wireless receivers
- Hacker Packer
A nasty packet in wireless space put there by Horrendous Hacker
- Randall Receiver
Wireless receiver who awaits the packets
- Clifford Keyboard
An unhappy keyboard
- Serious Server
Wants everything to be perfectly organized in her files
- Rambunctious Router
Router on strike because no one appreciates him
- Calm Computer
Not a care in the world, but dislikes when people use him
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Act I (the only act in this play)
Scene I (the only scene in this act)
[Note to actors—Remember, all words except those in brackets are read aloud.]
[Setting: Student packets are seated in a classroom with the teacher in front. Most of the students are at their computers. A wireless hub sits on an empty desk. Stage Curtain is taking a nap on the floor while waiting for the show to begin. Enticing Virus is asleep at her desk. The other actors are offstage or at the sides of the room. These include Ned Network, Eddie Encryption, Ida Interference, The Triplets, and Horrendous Hacker. Peter Packet is off stage and invisible.]
Stage Curtain
The Stage Curtain rises on the first act [stand up and stretch]
Naughty Narrator
"Students, imagine that you are inside the Peter Packet game. Everything is two dimensional, including you. You are thinner than a piece of paper, and people can hardly see you when you stand sideways. You are, [hesitate dramatically] my darlings," the Naughty Narrator says nastily, "cartoon characters of puny packets. Your teacher is currently instructing your class to practice its penmanship on its computers. All of you are making lines of L's across your computer screens. One desk is empty." The Naughty Narrator takes a deep breath [breathe deeply], points to the desk where Peter Packet once sat [point to the empty desk], and sighs [sigh], "You are such a boring group, but I won't have to deal with you very much longer."
Teacher Terrific
"And now class, all eyes this way," Mrs. Terrific says with enthusiastic emphasis. "We shall now begin practicing our M's because your L's are simply magnificent. You know that we packets need good penmanship to deliver all those wonderful letters." She looks over at the empty desk and frowns [frown at audience]. "[Sound worried] Now where could Peter have gone?" she asks sounding very worried. "He was just here a nanosecond ago."
Sweet Sally
"Peter is delivering a packet, Mrs. Terrific," Sweet Sally says sweetly. Sally smiles at the audience showing her white teeth and her beautiful new blue braces [smile at the audience].
Naughty Narrator
"Sickening, isn't it?" the narrator looks directly at the audience and shakes his head in disgust [shake head].
Savvy Sam
"Don't be silly Sally," Savvy Sam says. "Network Ned has nixed the network once more—just when I was about to sell some of my perfect L's on the Internet. Lots of kids would love to buy them."
Teacher Terrific
"It's time to do our N's. Get to work, students, and I’ll go look for Peter." Teacher Terrific hops into her laptop [leave the stage].
Naughty Narrator
In an ominous voice, the Naughty Narrator says, "Your teacher has disappeared into wireless space." He lifts his heavy eyebrows up and down [raise and lower eyebrows]. "Ned Network enters from stage left or right—whatever."
Ned Network
Ned Network enters the classroom looking very tired. "Rambunctious Router is on strike because he doesn't think he's appreciated, and the network is down, down, down—again."
Brainy Billy
"Down where?" Brainy Billy asks.
Moody Mercedes
Moody Mercedes tilts her head so that her hair falls just so, runs her fingers through her shiny curls, and announces in her melodious voice, "Peter is delivering a message to my boyfriend, Horrendous Hacker."
The Twins, Worried Wanda and Wary William
(say in unison)
"Horrendous Hacker!" the twins Worried Wanda and Wary William shout in unison. "Peter wouldn't have anything to do with Horrendous Hacker."
Wonderful Juan
"Peter is working with Eddie Encryption," says Wonderful Juan, "to outwit Horrendous."
Moody Mercedes
"Wait and see," suggests Moody Mercedes. Moody winks at the audience [wink] and continues, "Peter would do anything for me."
Sweet Sally
"What's that round thing on Peter's desk?" Sweet Sally asks ever so nicely but sounds seriously unsettled.
Brainy Billy
"Could be one of those worms that gets into software, but it doesn't look like a worm, does it? Maybe it's a hacker snooping device. Everyone hide! Get under your desks!"
The Twins, Worried Wanda and Wary William
(say in unison)
"We're goners! We will be lost on the information highway to nowhere."
Ned Network
"Yeah, yeah, take cover if you think it would help." Ned Network says with a yawn [big yawn]. "That thing's your wireless hub and if you go into the computer it will send you directly to Rambunctious Router who won't work. You packets could be sent anywhere."
Naughty Narrator
"Your teacher is kaput, Peter Packet is no more, and the rest of you are going to be as well. I hear that Lovely Linda is with Peter. Horrendous Hacker, Moody Mercedes, and I are going to get rid of all of you! Ha. Ha. Ha," the Naughty Narrator laughs. His madness maddens.
Agitated Ali
"Oh no," says agitated Ali in a quavering voice. "I'm in love with Lovely Linda. I'm going in after her." Ali hops into his computer [leave the stage].
Naughty Narrator
"Chalk off one more."
Savvy Sam
"We'll all be sent anywhere. You too, Moody."
Moody Mercedes
"Not I, my weepy, wishy-washy friends," says Moody Mercedes. "When we get rid of you, we're are heading to the Caribbean for some sun, while you are sent anywhere, perhaps to the Graveyard of Dropped Packets, which I imagine is where Peter. Linda, Ali, and Teacher Terrific are. At least you won't have to work on penmanship anymore."
Genius Gene
Genius Gene pushes his chair back and stands to address the class [stand], "Not to worry, Mr. Network and sensational students, excepting Moody Mercedes. You can't be sent anywhere because our wireless network doesn't have the range to send you anywhere. Peter and Mrs. Terrific are most likely no farther than the Girls' Lavatory."
Brainy Billy
"Do you really think they are in the lavatory?" Brainy Billy asks. Billy hops into the computer saying, "I always wanted to see what the Girls' Lavatory looked like." [Leave the stage.]
Naughty Narrator
"One more down."
Enticing Virus
Enticing Virus gets up and slinks to the front of the room, "I'll help you find them. Just let me attack, I mean ATTACH, myself to each of you packets, and we're off to save Peter and Teacher Terrific and maybe Linda and Ali, too." She looks at the audience and snickers [snicker].
Annie Virus
"Good try, Enticing," says her cousin Annie Virus from the back of the room, "but you are out of here!" The valiant Annie races toward Enticing and sprays her with anti-viral water [use spray bottle].
Enticing Virus
"Ah," Enticing sleepily returns to her desk and puts her head down [rest head on desk]. "I think I'll forgo this trip."
Genius Gene
"If we work together on the inside with Mr. Network helping us on the outside, we can turn this disastrous situation around. But, we'll need Eddie."
Sweet Sally
"Where's Eddie Encryption? Is he lost with Peter?"
Naughty Narrator
"No, sadly enough he's not lost," Naughty says gloomily. "I hope he doesn't foil my plan. Here comes that nitwit."
Eddie Encryption
"Sorry I’m late folks, I was decoding a message from a charming chimpanzee. Now I'm here to encode you and protect your information from Horrendous." Eddie hesitates, turns and looks romantically at Moody and adds, "I don't see what you see in that guy. I'm obviously more appealing."
Moody Mercedes
"He's exciting, and I've had enough of your messing me up. Your disguises hamper my obvious beauty. I refuse to be encrypted, and Horrendous likes me this way."
Genius Gene
"Time is of the essence, whatever that means. I suggest we act now with me as your leader."
Ned Network
"Okay. Get ready to leave. Let Eddie disguise you," suggests Network, "and stay together. When you reach Rambunctious Router, avoid getting sent to the Girls' Lavatory. It’s getting too crowded."
Genius Gene
"Grab your checksum, IDs, and info," advises Genius Gene with weapon in hand [hold a yardstick]. "Be careful. Enticing has been silenced for a bit, but Varsity Virus is hiding at stage left. Watch out for Horrendous and all sorts of nasty interference. Everyone follow me onto the Internet. CHARGE!" [Start to lead the other packets off stage, pointing the yardstick ahead.]
All Packets
(say in unison)
The packets look at the audience and scream their war call, "DELIVER!" They rush off the stage. [Leave the stage.]
Naughty Narrator
"There they go–all those helpless little packets—never to be seen again. I hope. They jumped into the computer and our wireless hub sent them surfing in Wildly Wireless space. I wish them a speedy trip to the Graveyard of Dropped Packets." Naughty looks sternly at the audience, smiles in a creepy crease of his lips, and moves his abundant eyebrows up and down [raise and lower eyebrows].
Varsity Virus
"Never fear," Varsity Virus peeks his virulent head out from stage left and says, "I'm after them!" Varsity runs across the stage looking dangerous and Annie sprays him as he passes by [leave stage].
Ida Interference
Jumping onstage Ida Interference yells, "So am I!" [Move across stage slowly, looking lost and confused.]
The Triplets — Micro Wave, Radio Wave and Cordless Karen
(say in unison)
"We are coming your way!" [Move to stage center, look at the audience and say,] "Act I is almost over."
Naughty Narrator
"Also on stage, Ned Network is, as usual, busy nixing the network, and Annie is making sure Enticing is still asleep." The narrator clears his magnificent throat [clear throat] and announces, "Our hero makes an appearance followed by the voice of that pipsqueak Peter."
Horrendous Hacker
Horrendous stalks on stage. He looks at the audience. "Those packets will be squashed into gibberish nothingness when I read their messages," Horrendous Hacker says through his evil vocal cords as he smiles at Moody. Moody, naturally, smiles back at him.
Peter Packet
Peter Packet is heard but not seen, for he is on an evasively secret mission and cannot disclose his whereabouts. He says in his superhero voice, which only packets can hear, "Meet me at Rambunctious' Ranch, and don't get sent beyond our wireless network. If you do, we may never find you."
Naughty Narrator
Act I ends, and the Naughty Narrator is delighted.
Stage Curtain
The stage curtain falls. [Fall gently to the floor to end the scene.]
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